


Not Ashamed, Just In Hiding

by lilolilyrae



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, Former Aziraphale/Original female character, Getting Together, Hopeful Ending, Looking for beta reader(s)!, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-04-24 00:26:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19162066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae
Summary: Aziraphale's the picture-perfect husband, he has a wife and two wonderful children who are almost grown-up now themselves...Once they are out of the house, he re-starts his acting career and meets the wild, well-known actor and playboy Crowley. What could possibly go wrong?





	Not Ashamed, Just In Hiding

**Author's Note:**

> I think the prologue thingy turned a bit long but don't worry we're getting to Aziraphale soon enough :D
> 
> To the people who would no doubt be asking why I didn't just write rpf instead of this: I just don't really get the appeal of real-person fiction. We don't actually know those actors, plus it would feel kinda creepy to write about a real person's fictional relationship. Isn't what we really want the _characters_ we know and love falling in love all over again- just in a modern AU? :) So here we go...

_Aziraphale is on a vacation. A vacation from work, but also from home- and perhaps what he is really trying to do is fleeing from himself._

_Maybe he already knows where this is headed. As it is, the catalyst to his change is a young woman whom he meets in the middle of London._

 

* * *

 

 

Anathema is sitting on a blanket in the park, surrounded by friends from Uni. She has a book in her lap, nothing she's studying and she isn't really reading it either, as the others are too loud, joking around, and she is way too curious not to listen in. Someone starts throwing popcorn, and she smiles.

"Hey! That was the last food we had!" June squeaks. You _baktag_ you-"

"What's that even supposed to mean?" Ben groans, trying to escape her attack of flying grass.

"It's klingon for- something," Anathema says, putting down her book. "Probably an insult, though-"

"That for fucking sure it is!" June says, but she's already laughing again, even as she has to escape a new grass-attack by Anathema and Valerie. "Hey, are we grown as students or in kindergarten?"

"You started it" Anathema smiles and blows dirt off her book. "And in kindergarten, you weren't able to speek klingon..."

"Oh, you bet I was! At least the insults I knew already. Now I'm also learning Vulcan and elvish and the demon language from that new series y'all like, with the blond guy and the hot guy?" 

"Don't pretend like you don't like it either, when you're learning a language from it..." Anathema snorts.

Valerie chimes in: "If she saying some guy and some hot guy, she's definitely actually into the other guy, and I know who her latest celebrity crush is, it's that Aziraphale whatshisname-" 

Anathema laughs. "God, really, June? You change crushes like underwear, wasn't it the guy from Game of Thrones last week?" 

"Eh, yeah, they killed him off so he's irrelevant, but-"

"Wait, is Az- that guy- the blond one?" Ben asks, always a little slow yet usually better informed than any of the others. "I just read on twitter that he's been sighted in town-" 

(On a bench nearby, our blonde protagonist shrinks in on himself. Has he? Oh well, maybe he's less inconspicuous than he thought ...)

 

"Really?!" June squeaks.

Anathema rolls her eyes. "Is he doing an autograph session, is there a comic con or whatever, or else anything that would suggest he wants to meet his fans today, or well that he gets paid to do so?

"Noooo" June grumbles. I'd've heard 'bout that..."

"Well you heard 'nathema, leave the guy alone" Valerie laughs. "Plus, you can't run off anyway, you promised to go clubbing with me tonight and we still don't have our outfits!"

"Ughhhhh you'll end up snogging someone anyways and leaving me all alone! And he's a public person, noone can force me-"

"No, noone can force you not to stalk the poor guy, but maybe you can force yourself not to be an asshole." Anathema rolls her eyes again.

"Phew, as if you wouldn't immediately go running if some chicken you're into-"

"First of all, no, I really wouldn't, second of all, I'm not gay I'm bi, so your argument is invalid and-"

She get interrupted by a guy stopping his skateboard in front of her. "Hi 'nathema, hey other weirdos, sorry it's late here's your money see you!" and off he goes.

"Why do you lent that guy money anyway?" Ben asks with raised eyebrows. "You always get it back late..."

"But I _will_ get it back. He's too afraid not to. And hey, now that I've got some cash here- who wants ice cream?"

"Me me me!" June squeaks. "Wait, what are you getting?"

"Depends on how many of you want some, I can only carry so many cones and I don't have _infinite_ money either... And it doesn't look like either of you lazies is gonna get up and help." Anathema grins.

"Eeh just get a box of 6 popsicles at Waitrose or something, we'll make sure nothing gets left over!"

Anathema snorts. "Don't I know it" She gets up, puts her book in her bag and pushes it under the pile of June's things, tousles her friends' hair and elegantly makes her way down the hill to the path.

"Tesco's closed than Waitrose!" Ben calls after her, nose ever almost touching the phone screen. Anathema waves to indicate she's heard and turns onto the path.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When the girl walks past his bench, Aziraphale gets up on impulse.

"Excuse me- I don't mean to intrude, I just-"

"Huh?"gi the young woman called Anathema stops and turns around, startled, then blinks, surprised. "Oh, it's you" She smiles. "Didn't recognize you there at first." She doesn't seem starstruck at all, which makes Aziraphale feel at ease.

"Yes, I just wanted to thank you for telling your friends not to go and, well, stalk me, I've had an exhausting enough day... I really didn't mean to pry, I just heard my name and-"

"No problem" Anathema laughs. "Walk with me? As you probably heard, I do meed to get to the store before those hungries start blowing up my phone with messages..."

"Sure!" it's not like he made any other plans, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

In the store Anathema can't help poking the rainbow coloured garland indicating it to be pride month before walking to the freezer aisle. She smiles. Yes, the cooperations are most definitely only doing it to get to the money, but it's still showing that the world learns to accept them, alright? 

Then she notices Aziraphale watching her and raises an eyebrow at him.

Caught staring, he fumbles with his sleeves and says "You are- uuuh..." motioning towards the garland.

"Yes- problem?" Her voice is sharp, but she's not into talking to homophobes, alright? 

"No, no, quite the opposite, I- I'm thinking-"

Oh. It's quite obvious what the poor man's thinking, and now that Anathema is thinking about it, her favouring his character might have something to do with her subconscious gaydar being correct at times.

She smiles at him and keeps walking to the self-checkout.

"You want one too?"

"Oh, but I could pay for one myself..."

"Don't worry about it. I need to get back, walk with me? I'm guessing you won't want to come and join my friends though?"

"No I'm thinking not... Sorry, nothing against them, just"

"June can be a typical freaky fangirl, no need to apologize" Anathema laughs. "Well-" she tears of a piece of the carton popsicle packaging and fishes a pen out of her jean pocket- "there's my number, if you need any advice on, well, queer topics...? Believe me, I'm used to being the mom friend when it comes to that, so don't worry about it"

He takes the paper- movement perhaps a little erratic, a little desperate- and she knows she did the right thing. She's been there.

 

* * *

 

> _Did you know I have a wife?_

He writes, before realising that that isn't quite how you usually write a first text message to an almost-stranger.

> _Sorry. This is Aziraphale. Hi_
> 
> _I just, I suppose you already guessed what I am when you gave me this number_
> 
> _~~Uh~~ This is your number, is it? The ~~girl~~  woman from the park? I forgot your name, I'm terribly sorry_
> 
> _So, yes, I have a wife. Children, too, though I've been trying not to get them too exposed to the public the first time around, and now they're already quite grown and off on their own, so I suppose you wouldn't know them..._

He needs to to actually get to the topic. Although maybe this is already too much to write without getting a message back... He has never really had to write a stranger before if it hadn't been for work, and that had mostly been via email, anyway. His daughter had to tell him to stop signing his name under each text message a fee years ago, because 'that's just embarrassing, dad, I can see that it's you writing me!'

Then he thinks about hoe it might be dangerous to give too much away, as it might show up on the internet- although why would anyone believe it to be him writing, even if she puts his number into her contacts under the right name? He doesn't even have his face in his profile picture, only the sunset- plus, he trusts the girl not to do something like that.

While he is still thinking about all of this, her status jumps to _online_ and, almost immediately afterwards, the three pulsating dots appear.

> _Hello! Yes, Anathema here, nice to hear from you again :)_
> 
> _And yes I did know you had a wife, figured it might be part of the reason you seemed a little freaked out yesterday_

There were again three dots, but they disappear ad he starts writing himself, and he feels a little sorry that he won't see what she had wanted to write initially.

> _What am I supposed to tell her? My wife, I mean._
> 
> _I am sorry, that's probably a silly question_

Her reply follows almost immediately:

> _Why don't you first admit to what it actually is you want to tell her? ;)_

He stares at the screen, frozen. 

Of course he knows what this is all about. He knows it for a while now- probably for longer than he wants to admit. He just never had to say it out loud yet. Or, well, write it down.

> _I'm gay._

_GAY-OKAY_ does a vibrant, colourfully moving picture proclaim that Anathema sends him.

> _more than just okay :)_

she adds.

So this is it? Aziraphale thinks it should feel somehow- _more_. Like something. It's the first time he said it, after all. Maybe if he said it out loud...? 

"I'm gay." 

The words feel loud in the quiet hotel room. But apart from that- maybe his fear gets smaller every time he says it. That's something, at least.

When he looks back down at his phone, there's a new message:

> _So, are you sure that you're actually homosexual, or do you think you could be bi- or pan, meaning, broken down to the basics, to be attracted to men but also women? Then you might want to just stay together with your wife :) just because that there are now more people you could potentially be together with doesn't mean you need to be together with anyone but the one you are currently with..._

He tries to listen into himself, to find some sort of truth. After a moment he realises that that isn't what he is actually doing, though- he is trying to talk himself into believing something he knows isn't true, because he already knows the truth. God, he hadn't even more than kissed Dinah in years...

> _No, definitely gay._

Aziraphale really has to stop himself from repeating the _what should I tell my wife?_ It just feels urgent. He likes Dinah, he even likes living with her... And their children... He doesn't want to lose it all.

Anathema moves to the topic without further prompting. 

> _Are you getting along well, you and your wife?_

He has to think about what to reply.

> ~~_Well, yes, I just don't_ love _her_ ~~
> 
> ~~_I think so, but I don't really know what she would_ ~~
> 
> ~~_She's still my wife and probably expects us to have sex more than once a decade, goddamnit-_ ~~
> 
> _Yes, I do think so- just not in a romantic way, of course. I actually like living with her._

This time he has to wait a while for a reply, as Anathema has gone offline while he had been writing and deleting and re-writing messages.

> _I'm sorry I don't want to be invasive, but I think this question has to be asked if you want to get my advice... Are you and your wife still having sex?_

Aziraphale makes a face. It's not like he hasn't just thought about that topic himself... He just doesn't feel like talking about something like this with a girl who reminds him of his own daughter.

> _No, not for years now._

The answer comes immediately, as if Anathema had already expected this.

> _So if you two are more like friends or platonic roommates than anything else, nothing has to change between you, does it? Maybe you start with that, when you tell your wife the truth._
> 
> _For everything else, I can only advice you to stick to the truth, try not to hurt anyone and not get hurt yourself, either._
> 
> _And about your children, I think you best decide what to tell you together with your wife, if only to make her still feel included in your family life_
> 
> _And now I have to go offline because I have lectures tomorrow morning and don't go partying in the middle of the week other than some people you might have overheard yesterday xD so I'll talk to you later! Gn8 :)_

And with that, Anathema is offline.

Aziraphale has no idea what the last word-thing is supposed to mean, so he decides to just ignore it. And because he doesn't quite know what to say to the rest of it, either, he just turns off his phone and hopes he isn't being terribly rude. 

He needs to think. And perhaps it is time to cut this vacation short.

 

* * *

 

Once at home, of course, Aziraphale doesn't immediately get to talk to Dinah. She had been busy creating a salad for a garden party of a friend when he arrived, and, after a quick greeting, a peck on the cheek and a "So nice that you're back early!" he is drafted to select a wine from the basement and also please wear something nice if he was going to join her later. And so he does.

 

It is only a few days later that he is alone with her and has some time. She is sitting on the living room couch, flipping through the pages of a magazine, and he sits down on a chair from the table of the adjoining dining room.

"Have you ever..." he trails of. He knows this is a stupid question, and off topic from what he actually wants to say, but- it would be so much easier, if he knew that she didn't actually need him.

"Yes?"

"Have you- and I'm not mad, I noticed I wouldn't even mind if you- not that _I_ did it, I didn't, but just, just out of _curiosity_ , have you ever cheated on me?"

Dinah blinks, puts down her magazine. "No, I- no, I haven't. Although I can see why you might think so... We haven't been a typical couple in a long time now, have we?"

"Yes... No. What are we?"

"I would like to say we are friends." She smiles at him, soft and a little watery. "Why are you asking, why now? Do you want us to break up?"

"No! God, no, that's just- we _are_ friends, aren't we? So we don't need to break up... I just realised why, at least for me, we are more like friends than anything else. Maybe if you know, you would want me to move out..."

"Oh, I doubt that honey" she nods at him. "Yes?"

"I'm gay." It's getting easier to say it now.

Dinah's eyes open wide. "Oh. I- oh. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, with how little interest you ever showed in... but I always thought you might just be more like me..."

"Like you?"

"I just don't really _need_ sex. Well, I suppose noone needs sex, but I just- I don't crave it. And not for women either, just- with no-one, not even just by myself..." She trails of, looking lost.

"I'm sure Anathema would know a name for that as well." Aziraphale smiles.

"Who? What?"

"Oh, a girl- Uh, a young women who I am sure would be terribly offended at being called a _girl_ , it's just that she reminded me a little of our own little girl- a student, she talked to me about those things, and made me realize- well, not realize, I think that happened a long while ago, just, made me stop hiding it from myself?"

Dinah nods. "That's nice, then, that you have someone to talk to" 

For a while, they sit in silence. Then, with a nod, Dinah seems to make a decision.

"Now, should we make pasta for dinner or eat the leftovers?"

 

* * *

 

A few days after this, Aziraphale attends his first pride parade, alone, unnoticed, basking in the warm feeling of _not_ being alone anymore, of being in a crowd full of people _just like him_.

And as he, slightly tipsy, kisses a man he never met before and probably will never meet again while rainbow glitter is flying through the air, he wishes the world could always be this easy.

  

* * *

 

 

Later in summer, when both Javan and Evangeline- the children- visit at the same time for once, he talks to them as well. We'll, they do- it had indeed been a good idea to involve Dinah in it, she's a steadying presence by his side.

 

"So you're going to break up?!" Eva near-shouts, eyes wide. Jav only stares at the floor.

"No! Well, we realised that we are already more friends than anything else, so nothing really has to change- right?"

Dinah nods. "Don't worry, honey, it's going to be alright." She takes Eva's hand and strokes Jav's arm.

"Good. Because I dont want to have to decide where to celebrate Christmas!" The girl declares, and her brother snorts at her priorities. 

Aziraphale smiles. "As long as you want to come home for Christmas, we'll be here, don't worry"

"Group hug!" Eva pulls them all together, and while Dinah laughs and catches them, Jav already tries to escape and Aziraphale slightly awkwardly leans in as well, he is glad about how very _normal_ it feels for them. 

They are getting a divorce, though, he and Dinah, quickly, peacefully and silently. She insisted- _just in case you find someone, so it doesn't have to be awkward_. They decided not to tell the children about that just yet.

 

At dinner, Eva brings the conversation back to the topic. "Will you out yourself, though?" she asks out of the blue.

"To the public? Oh, I- Not really, I don't think. I mean I suppose I will try to stop outright _lying_ , but- look, if I go around telling people, the gay community will take notice of me, of my face not just the characters I play, and at the moment I just like that I look so unassuming rarely anyone recognises me..."

Eva scoffs. His daughter had never understood _why_ he doesn't use his fame in a way that would make it at least a little useful for herself.

But well, that is normal for them, too.

 

 

* * *

 

  

Back at work, filming a second season of his latest show, Aziraphale is starting to notice people differently. Some men, to be precise.

Not that he is really looking at them any differently than before- more that he allows himself to think about what it means. What might come of it.

 

During a lunch break, he is talking to his co-star Crowley, which is in itself nothing special. Crowley is a very beautiful man, but as he is constantly dating (or in different arrangements with) all sorts of women, Aziraphale has come to terms with the fact that nothing would ever happen between them. 

Crowley us scrolling through twitter, letting out a constant stream of sarcastic or ironic chatter.

"Have you heard about the guy trying to- _bye, Jen!_ " he interrupts himself to call after the pretty makeup artist who is leaving for the day.

The woman waves and him and giggles. Aziraphale suppresses a sigh. Yes, he knows he can't have Crowley... But that doesn't mean he has to like it, especially now that he is getting to know the other man better, and within everything he found out about him so far had not been anything negativr that would put a halt to his little infatuation. 

"What were you asking me about?" he 

"Oh never mind that" Crowley mumbles distractedly while reading something on his phone, a grin spreading over his face. "Have you seen _this_?!" He turns the phone to Aziraphale, grinning and his eyes so bright Aziraphale has to force himself to look away and down at the screen.

What he sees is surprising. It shouldn't be, it shold definitely not be _shocking,_  he is well aware of the term _shipping_ and what it means (although less through his work and more through his daughter's chatter) but- not only had he never thought it would be applied to _him_ or, well, a character played by him, but also- to be shown a drawing of his character kissing the character of the person he is talking to, and who he might also have a tiny little bit of a crush on? Aziraphale doesn't know what to say.

Crowley, in turn, just keeps talking. "Excellent handywork, don't you think? I mean, your face is a little too wide and I think they must've forgotten about a part of my eyebrows, but- hey, Az, are you okay?" 

Aziraphale blinks at him, still in shock, even more so by the casual use of his nickname.

Crowley, however, interprets his look a little differently, eyes narrowing as he snatches back his phone.

"Are you homophobic, is that it? Look, hell if it's just the fact that it's, you and me, kind of, that's making you uncomfortable, I'll even fucking stop talking about it, I know workplace blaah, but if you're _homophobic_ -"

"No! God no, I just- I think-" his voice turns into a whisper. God, he had really thought this had gotten easier! "I think I might be- no, I _know_ I am gay. Myself. So. There is that."

"Huh." Crowley blinks. "Do your wife and kids know?"

Aziraphale is honestly surprised that Crowley remembers the existence of his family. "Yes, I told them a few weeks ago... Me and my wife, we have always been better friends than married folk, anyway, so..."

"Huh." Crowley says again. "So, you're going public about it then, too?"

Aziraphale squirms. "Not really, I- I mean, I know I probably should? But I really like the level of- well, of not-quite-fame I have at the moment, I know that I have a really replaceable face, no-one really ever recognizes me... Except perhaps for people who draw me k-kissing you. Um. But if I were to _talk_  about this to people, I don't know... I just want to be able to keep going to the farmer's marker without instantly being recognized." And to the pride Parades, too, he doesn't say.

"Trust you to have such a good reason..." Crowley grumbles. "And your face is not replaceable."

"What?"

He ignores the last part of what he said before. "Well, for me, it was always just money- a playboy image sells a lot better when people don't know I also date or fuck the occasional guy in-between the girls..."

"Oh! You- you too?" Aziraphale is surprised by how calm he sounds. That Crowley is gay- or, well, bi- or pansexual, too- and that he _told_ him, when he clearly doesn't tell much anyone else...

"Yeah" Crowley gives him a crooked grin. "And apparently I have terrible gaydar, never even thought you'd be on the team. Well, now that I know- how are you feeling about going clubbing tonight?"

"Oh- I- ah" Aziraphale stammers. He's still caught up on what Crowley said before- does it mean he _did_ think about whether or not Aziraphale would be gay, and decided he wasn't, or that he just never considered him that way at all.

Crowley laughs. Not a proposition -well, as long as you don't want it to be one, of course-" he winks, at Aziraphale, and what in god's name does that mean now? "-but I can show you around, show you the scene! Bet you've never even been to a gay club, have you?"

"Not quite..." admits Aziraphale.

"Well, think about it, I'm leaving at 11pm tonight, if you're up for it just meet me at my trailer!"

Before Aziraphale can even think about a possible reply, they are called back to work, lunchbreak is over.

 

* * *

 

 

In a minute of almost-free time of getting his makeup reapplied in-between takes, Aziraphale quickly writes Anathema.

> _So there's this man- I work with him, I mean, that's not new, but apparently he's gay himself?_
> 
> _Or bisexual, or something, I suppose._
> 
> _Oh, please try not to guess who it is if you happen to  know who I work with? I do not think he's really talking about it much himself, although for different reasons than me..._
> 
> _Now, he invited me to go clubbing with him? What does this mean? What do I do?_

 

Of course now, of all times, Anathema who is usually one to immediately reply isn't checking her phone.

Aziraphale waits anxiously, and.as she still hasn't replied when he has to go back in front of the camera, he throws himself into the role he is playing, trying to forget everything about the chaos in his own life. Thankfully, it's not a scene Crowley is playing with him together, or he doubts he would have been able to hold that mindset.

 

When he checks his phone in the next break, he sees that Anathema is typing.

> _Sorry, I was in class, and this lecture's actually interesting for once because we were allowed to have a discussion instead of looking of more pp slides_

She writes, and all Aziraphale thinks is _get to the point!_  Then he immediately feels bad for not being more interested in his friend's life and at least writes a quick reply.

> _That does sound good then!_

Anathema is already typing again anyway.

> _Well, do you like him?_
> 
> _In a gay way I mean_
> 
> _Just so I know in which direction this advice needs to be going_

'In a gay way'?! Aziraphale makes a face. Sure he likes Crowley... And he's beautiful to look at, so that's definitely 'in a gay way', but does he like-like him? And now he's talking to himself like a middleschooler, amazing. Oh, Crowley's tendency for irony has definitely caught on. Crowley... Who is way too popular to even like him that way, right? No matter how what he had said earlier might have sounded.

> _I don't know! That's the thing, I mean, I think I kind of do? But what if I do like him and he does not like me that way?_

 

> _Just see how it goes! You'll never know if you stay home :) and you don't know what will happen at the club, maybe you'll meet someone else entirely ...._
> 
> _And either way when you're having fun remember: use protection!_

Aziraphale doesn't know why, buy the thought of meeting someone else makes him squirm. he does not _want_ to be with anyone else... But he doesn't want to contemplate what that means, either, and he definite does not feel like responding to the comment about using protection, so he quickly changes the topic- he remembered that he still hasn't asked about what Dinah might be.

> _Oh, before I forget it, is there a word for someone who does not want to... You know, at all?_

 

> _You mean asexual? Why, do you think you might be that as well? You could be homoromantic and ace._

 

> _No no, I'm quite certain I'm gay, it's for someone else._

 

> _Asking for a friend? l o l_
> 
> _Yes there's asexual, first 'completely' asexual in the sense of not having sex, not wanting sex, not feeling sexual attraction, sometimes accompanied by being sex-repulsed, and that doesn't have to be due to trauma, some people are just that way._
> 
> _And then there are several stages of grey-ace, basically everyone can be and define themselves the way they want, having sex but not needing to if their partner doesn't, feeling sexual attraction but not wanting sex, masturbating but not feeling sexual attraction, etc etc_
> 
> _And then there's demisexual which is different again, it means you don't feel sexual attractive for anyone you don't already have a romantic connection to_
> 
> _So basically you could also be demi-sexual and then still asexual meaning even if you feel attracted to someone you like you still wouldn't want sex with them_
> 
> _Hope that helps! Have to run, study group, ttyl! :)_

 

> _Hey, wait, I didn't ask you about what to wear tonight yet!_

The latter only just came to his mind, and now Aziraphale is already stressing out about it.

Suit and tie? To formal, also to warm for a club. Jeans? He doesn't wear them usually, but he should still have a pair- ah, yes, still in his suitcase for sure. But for a shirt- not the white button-up, that would stand out too much in the club lights. Just a black t-shirt? He doesn't want to look underdressed either-

"Aziraphale? Aziraphale!" The assistant director snaps him out of the trance. "You're up next!"

"Yes, sorry, sorry-"

He tries not to think about it for the rest of the afternoon, but as soon as he's alone in his trailer everything comes rushing back. What the _hell_ should he _wear_?

 

* * *

 

 

In jeans and t-shirt, he stands in front of Crowley's trailer at 11 o'clock sharp, hand raised to knock but not quite daring to.

The door opens, and Aziraphale quickly pulls back his hand.

Then he gapes. 

Now, he should definitely feel underdressed, but he doesn't even think about that, as all he's focused on is how insanely _hot_ Crowley is- skin tight leather pants and a shirt out of black net... Then, with a grin, he's pulling on a pair of dark sunglasses and jumps down the two steps to the ground. 

"Hey! Wasn't sure you'd come!"

"Hope it's o-okay" stammers Aziraphale, still dumbstruck by Crowley's appearance. Once he tears his eyes away from Crowley's muscles and looks at his face, he notices that Crowley must have also put some makeup on to alter his facial structure in addition to the sunglasses... Should he have done that, too? Not that he ever really does get recognized, but it being his fault if Crowley gets outed would be even worse than it just being him...

"Stop overthinking, I can see the wheels in your head turning! Let's go!"

Aziraphale chuckles nervously, and they start walking. 

"Is this club for from here?"

"Uh, just some minutes, hope you don't mind us walking?" 

"No, no, it's fine..." 

For a few moments, neither of them seems to know what to say. Then Crowley breaks the silence.

"So, what made you realise you're gay now? I mean assuming you only just noticed, I mean you are married to a woman after all" 

Aziraphale quickly looks to Crowley before turning his eyes straight ahead again. 

"Divorced, actually. We're still living together, as I said we are friends... And I think I already knew for quite some time. Now this summer, I met a girl- woman- and-"

"And she was so bad in bed you decided to swear off women entirely?" Crowley snickers.

"Anthony!" Aziraphale protests, but he has to laugh a little as he knows that the other is joking. "No, she's a friend of mine, she was just talking about- well, lgbt things, and I noticed that it really isn't such a taboo anymore, at leat not with everyone... So I finally admitted to myself what I already knew."

It feels a little funny to talk about it to someone so openly. Aziraphale notices- he trusts Crowley, trusts him not to use the information against him in any way.

"Well, I would like to get to know the girl that turned you gay either way" Crowley laughs.

For a second, Aziraphale fears that if Crowley meets Anathema, hr might like her better than him... Crowley isn't just gay after all, and he's probably young enough to be interesting for Anathema...

"If you're still up for doing something together again after tonight, that is," Crowley interrupts his thoughts. 

"Oh, sure!" Aziraphale once again looks over to Crowley, and this time their eyes meet, and he can see Crowley blush a little right as he feels the heat touch his own cheeks, and quickly looks away. Perhaps Crowley only asked after Anathema because he knows she is a friend of his and he wants to spend more time with him? He should really stop overthinking this.

They walk the rest of the way together side by side in comfortable silence, and sometimes Az's arm brushes against Crowley's, and it feels heavenly.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ...when Crowley asked Az about what made him realise he was gay he totally hoped that he was the answer lol. 
> 
> Sorry for the quick ending! I just happen to know myself and this would've probably stayed in my drafts forever if I forced myself to write a more elaborate one. If anyone wants to continue writing this, feel free!
> 
> Btw yes I stuck to the names despite them not quite fitting into the modern setting- for Aziraphale, I think it would still fit if his parents had been a little overly christian, then Crowley is of course Anthony Crowley, who goes by his last name only, and Anathema probably had weird parents too whose mentality she escaped by studying gender studies :)  
> Also yes I googled angel names for too many characters.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~also for the ocs in the prologue I had to stop myself from writing my usual ocs cause it's not an lverse fic but letsbehonest they might be named differently and I tried to imagine them to look differently but we still have darce and jamie right there ok~~
> 
> If you made it this far, be so kind and leave a comment and click kudos!


End file.
